Caught in Suspension

Again

2008-07-31T10:55:00.000-07:00

I know I've said this before, but if you haven't listened to Jon Foreman's "seasons" EPs, you're missing out. Big time. His final project "Summer" was just released and it certainly does not disappoint. Here are the lyrics to my favorite song, "Again":

Oh Lord, God of our fathers
this day let it be known
That you Lord,
Are God of the present tense

Oh Lord, Father of history
this day let it be known
That you Lord,
Are present in our human events

Answer me, Oh Lord
Let your people know
That you’re turning our hearts
Back to You…Again

Holy Holy
You alone are true
Holy Holy
You alone are true
Turn us back towards you

He reminds me of Derek Webb, another favorite of mine, in his simplicity & beauty. Both men write haunting music filled with a passion for justice. Both guys are definitely worth a listen!

Would You Rather....?

2008-06-13T22:29:00.000-07:00

I've been obsessed with "Would you rather..." questions lately. They're usually so random and interesting. I also love the conversations that they can spark. So, here are a few of my favorites so far that I've read.

Would you rather puke marbles or sweat cheese?

Would you rather be born with a refrigerator on your back or have an elephant as a close, personal friend?

Would you rather be 4'1" or 7'9"?

Would you rather be able to hear any conversation or take back anything you say?

Would you rather forget who you were or who everyone else was?

Would you rather be a tree or live in a tree?

Would you rather be able to fly or live to be 200?

Would you rather sweat continually for 24 straight hours all over your body or have an irremovable metal pin in your jaw that picks up a New Age radio station?

Would you rather attend the Last Supper or discover Jesus' empty tomb?

I'd love to hear your answers...and give you mine. :)

Oh, the Summertime...

2008-06-11T20:45:00.000-07:00

Since I'm all about lists, here are some fun things I've done so far...
- Become a senior!!
- Grad parties
- Paintball at the Browns'--so intense {and super fun!}
- Book shopping and pool time with Jessie
- Sleep-over at Hache's
- Dinner and mini-golf with Adam, Justin, RGu, Drew, and Chris
- Ladies ensemble practice--always a fun time!

Pretty exciting, considering I've only been on break for 5 days! :)

Here are some things I'm looking forward to...
- Fair Trade Party at our house tomorrow night
- Celebrating Christine's 18th birthday
- Flying to North Carolina and spending time with Annie
- PYA
- Myrtle Beach trip with Jessie & the fam
- Reading lots of books {including This is Your Brain on Music}

I haven't forgotten about my list of things I've learned...it's coming...eventually. :)

The Major Question

2008-05-25T20:42:00.000-07:00

I've realized that I've pretty much changed what I want to major in, oh I don't know, basically every day. Soooo, here is a list of major/minors that I've considered in the past month or so:

- Music Education (the original plan)
- Music with a Christian Ministries minor
- Fine Arts {self-constructed: Geneva doesn't actually offer one}
- Fine Arts Education with a minor in Christian School Teaching
- English Literature with a double minor in Music & Teaching English as a Second Language
- Music with a Theatre minor

Therefore....I have no idea what I want to do. Everything I've thought about is in the same general area of study, just switched around in different ways. I still have a strong desire to study music, even if it ends up just being a minor. As of right now, I'm leaning towards just general Fine Arts {concentration on Music} because I'll be able to study a wider variety of things and won't be limited to just one thing. I know that the majority of people going to college either have no idea what they want to do or change their minds soon after, so I'm trying not to worry about it too much. :)

Senior 09!

2008-05-19T19:10:00.000-07:00

So random school stuff that makes me happy:
1. You need 25 credits to graduate high school...guess who already has 25? Yup. Me. :)
2. Therefore, I'm taking a total of THREE real classes next year. All of which I enjoy {AP World Lit., AP Western History, Church History&Apologetics.}
3. So my other classes will be: Choir, Phys. Ed., Yearbook, Chapel Planning, and Senior Project.
4. Which brings me to the next happy thing...Mrs. Boelcke is teaching Sr. Proj. next year. 'Nuff said.
5. I'm also going to continue to work on my Music Theory next year, as well as {hopefully} helping Mrs. Struble with some of her elementary music classes.
6. Senior Project will probably take up a lot of time for me as well. Lots of photog-ing to be done! :)
7. I'm also going to be Student Council President next year {no one is running against me, so I'm pretty sure I've got the job.}

So it's lookin like it's gonna be a fun & easy senior year. Woo-hoo! What an answer to prayer! I don't think I could handle another bad year, especially my last year at good ol' RTCS. :'(

Coming Soon...

2008-05-19T18:26:00.000-07:00

A complete list of things I've learned this year. And believe me, there are many. I'm putting the finishing touches on it and when it's done, you'll be the first to see!

ps. I gave up on wordpress for now.

Changing Times

2008-04-04T20:19:00.000-07:00

I just created an account on wordpress and am realizing that I am terrible with technology and changes. haha. I don't have the patience to figure it out at the moment. haha.

Here's the address:
jmestuart.wordpress.com

I've Got Chills They're Multiplying!

2008-04-04T19:08:00.000-07:00

I've been working on a playlist composed of songs that give me chills (not including the title song)

Here's what I've got so far (in no particular order):
ps. This list does not include any Broadway songs full of awesomeness...it would be too long if it did. :)

"What Sarah Said"- Death Cab for Cutie
"Ten Thousand Angels"- Caedmon's Call (Derek Webb)
"The Lighthouse's Tale"- Nickel Creek
"Oh My God"- Jars of Clay
"John Wayne Gacy, Jr."- Sufjan Stevens
"El Tango de Roxanne"- Moulin Rouge
"He"- Jars of Clay
"Falling Slowly"- Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova (also my most played song)
"Mother India"- Caedmon's Call
"Give Me Jesus"- Jeremy Camp
"Lover"- Derek Webb
"Untitled Hymn"- Chris Rice
"Black Balloon"- The Goo Goo Dolls (this one's slightly random--but it does!)
"How Deep the Father's Love For Us"- pretty much anyone singing it
"Come What May"- Ewan Mcgregor <3 & Nicole Kidman
"What You Want"- Caedmon's Call (Derek again!)
"The Sun and Moon"- Mae
"100 Years"- Five for Fighting (funny hs memories...)
"Eileen"- The Hush Sound
"Set the Fire to the Third Bar"- Snow Patrol
"My Heart Will Sing"- Silers Bald
"Come and Listen"- David Crowder Band
"Firefly"- Over the Rhine
"Your Love Is Strong"- Jon Foreman
"Worlds Apart"- Jars of Clay
"Jesus I Come (Out of My Bondage)"- Indelible Grace
"Hear You Me"- Jimmy Eat World
"Welcome To Our World"- Chris Rice

This is only the first draft of my list. I'm sure I'll probably cut and add stuff, but anything on this list is definitely worth listening to. I'd love your suggestions/comments! :)

Your Love Is Strong

2008-04-04T18:59:00.001-07:00

I thought I'd share some lyrics from one of my {current} favorite songs. It's called "Your Love is Strong" by Jon Foreman (lead singer of Switchfoot). Jon Foreman has released 3 EPs this year--"Fall", "Winter", and "Spring". I'm a big fan of all of them and am very excited for the final "Summer" EP. This song is from the "Spring" album and is based on the Lord's prayer.

Your Love Is Strong
Heavenly Father, you always amaze me
Let your kingdom come in my world and in my life
Give me the food I need to live through today
And forgive me as I forgive the people that wrong me
Lead me far from temptation
Deliver me from the evil one

I look out the window the birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune or out of place
I walk to the meadow and stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl on her wedding day

So why do I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
You know what I need

Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong

The kingdom of the heavens is now advancing
Invade my heart, invade this broken town
The kingdom of the Heavens is buried treasure
Would you sell yourself to buy the one you've found?

Two things you told me
That you are strong
And you love me
Yes, you love me

Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong

Our God in Heaven
Hallowed be thy name
Above all names
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Give us today our daily bread
Forgive us weary sinners
Keep us far away from our vices
And deliver us from these prisons

Even If You Saw It Yourself, You Wouldn't Believe It

2008-04-03T18:46:00.000-07:00

Oh my goodness! I can't believe I haven't blogged since November!! Wow. Time is going sooo fast. After the show is over (1 week from now is opening night!! Ah!!), I'm going to attempt to keep up with my blogging again. *cross fingers* For now, here are some random thoughts...

*Here's what I've been keeping busy with:
- AP Lit: reading 1984, W.B. Yeats poem explication
- Anne of Green Gables rehearsal til 8 pm or so every night
- Learning how to act drunk for AGG
- Listening to new music, now that my hard drive is working again (I'm especially enjoying Copeland at the moment.)
- Yearbook
- Other misc. homework
- Taxes (not cool)
- Barista-ing (although I'm off for 2 weeks b/c of the show)
-Dyeing my hair (I'm pretty sure it's becoming a hobby.): At the moment it's really dark brown for the show. I'm dyeing it red again as soon as it's over though.
- Eating lots of chocolate

*I thought I'd share a few of the haikus (is that right? as in haiku as a plural?) I wrote for Mr. Stark's AP Lit. class. They're inspired by Japanese death poetry. Exotic, huh? Basically that means they are short, slightly ambiguous, metaphors for death.

Here are some of mine:

An empty swing rocks gently
in the cool autumn wind.

A crash of thunder and
all goes dark.

A polished stone skips across
the water's surface. Sinking.

A soft crunch of fallen leaves.
Man continues on his way.

If you're interested at all, I'm happy to share the meanings behind them. Just ask!

*Someone needs to help me swankify my blog...

*Well I'm off to read more of 1984 and get some rest for a 6 hour rehearsal tomorrow (and breakfast with the cast at 10 am--no school tomorrow!)

You and I Collide

2007-11-25T18:03:00.000-08:00

So I realized that while blogging was a great idea in theory, I have absolutely no time to do it consistently. Well anyway, here's an overview of what life is like right now...

Sunday: I have choir rehearsal before church&Sunday school. I love our choir. It's sooo much fun. And we're pretty good if I do say so myself. :) I've been going to the Boelcke's house after church for the past few weeks. I love spending time there. I feel very at home there. After spending the afternoon with them, we head to evening church {either at Grace or Providence.} Then I watch a movie or finish homework before heading to bed!
Monday-Tuesday: School! I love all of my classes this year. AP Lit&Theatre are my favorites though. I feel so much more comfortable at school now, thanks to chapel. Chapel is soooo amazing this year. The planning team is so awesome and committed this year. We've started what we're calling "The Prayer Revival." Everyone is praying all the time! It's completely lifted the whole spirit of the school. It's such a blessing to see groups of 2 or 3 students praying together in the halls or just to know that you can ask anybody to pray with you and that they're willing to drop what they're doing and pray right there and then. Our God is so faithful. Anyway, after school RGar and I usually go out and get something to eat before we both have to work at 4. We typically just end up sitting in the cafe, drinking coffee and looking at random books. It's pretty fun. :) Then I usually work till 10:30. I really love working there. The people are pretty cool and making drinks is really fun. Even though I hate the new automatic espresso machine. :( I feel like a fake barista. All I have to do now is push a button. I come home and finish what homework I have left then go to bed.
Wednesday: School as normal, then I come home and teach 2 piano lessons. I've had some trouble with my 1st student, Lena. They're not consistent at all. I can tell she doesn't practice, they always forget to pay me and half the time they're late or don't even show up. It's been really frustrating. My mom talked to her mom about it though and hopefully things will get better soon. On the other hand, I loooove teaching Courtney Jakiel. I can tell that she practices and she's catching on really quickly. Teaching her is a lot of fun. It feels very right. :) After my lessons, I relax for awhile then head to youth group. Things are going quite splendidly with Danny and Laura. They're really funny together. Oh, and they're expecting a baby! Yay! They've been going through the game of life during their lessons and talking about biblical perspectives on all the different stages of the game {getting a job, dating, marriage, finances, ...}. It's a really neat idea. Again, the Lord has provided for his children...even though I still miss Jon. :(
Thursday: See Mon-Tue.
Friday-Saturday: The weekend usually consists of sleeping, working, choir practice, homework/studying, more sleeping, movies, hanging out with the Sweden fam, and random trips to Grove City or Geneva.

Well, that's life right now. Not too exciting, which is good. I'm sure things will get crazier with the Holidays coming up. Concert time! I'm excited for Messiah and I think our school concert will be good as well. I'm going to see the Genevans concert this Saturday night...it'll be fun to see Adam in it this time! I'm especially excited for the Holidays because Mrs. S and Jon will be home!! Woooo hooooo!

I'm gonna go finish watching Zepherelli's Romeo& Juliet {which is amazing} and then go to bed and sleep in tomorrow! Night!

We're So Far Away

2007-10-16T15:36:00.000-07:00

I started making some lists today and I thought I would share them:
{these lists are still subject to change}

Books to Read:
1. The Grapes of Wrath
2. The Canterbury Tales
3. Mere Christianity
4. The Scarlet Letter
5. Anne of Green Gables
6. Wuthering Heights
7. The Curious Savage
8. Catch-22
9. The Great Gatsby
10. Tess of the D'Urbervilles
11. all things Shakespeare
12. Sense & Sensibility
13. The Great Divorce
14. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
15. Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass
16. The Catcher in the Rye
17. Gone With the Wind
18. Jane Eyre
19. Mansfield Park
20. The Pilgrim's Progress
21. all things Poe
22. The Princess Bride
23. Something Wicked This Way Comes
24. Waiting for Godot
25. Watership Down

This list excludes books that I know I'll definitely be reading in AP Lit.

People I Want to Learn More About:
1. George Gershwin
2. Joseph Stalin
3. Geoffrey Chaucer
4. Queen Elizabeth
5. Charles Manson
6. Andy Warhol
7. Emma Goldman
8. G.F. Handel
9. Anna Netrebko
10. Lawrence Olivier
11. Helen Mirren
12. Baz Luhrman
13. Ewan McGregor
14. Steve Jobs
15. Jane Austen

Things I Want to Learn More About:
1. Salem Witch Trials
2. The 70's in general (Vietnam, hippies, etc.)
3. Blacklists
4. Polygraph machines
5. The Watergate Scandal
6. Auburn Avenue/NPP theology
7. Genetics
8. MPAA film rating system
9. Theories on truth {http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Truth}
10. Scientology
11. Schizophrenia
12. Socialism

Well it's a start. I'm up for comments and suggestions. :)

This Is The Countdown

2007-10-13T09:43:00.001-07:00

So I would like to take a moment to lament the fact that I feel like my youth is over. Here's why:
1. I have to work today.
2. I just set up a checking account & a savings account. Scary.
3. My motivation for doing well in school is no longer just because I want to do well. Now I have to do well so I can get scholarships and go to college.
4. I'm about to take a nap because I'm tired.
5. Driving.

Having adult responsibilities is slightly frightening.

In A Little While

2007-09-22T21:03:00.001-07:00

Wow. I can't believe my last post was Sept. 6th. It seems like it was yesterday. Anyway I feel the need to blog about something because I haven't for so long. Soooo....

8 Things I'm excited about:
1. I just finished Firefly and it's absolutely amazing. I'm soo happy Drew talked me into watching it. I can't wait to watch Serenity!
2. The Lovedrug concert at Geneva on Friday. I really like what I've heard of them so far, plus I get to see a certain someone. :)
3. R is coming home for bible study tomorrow night.
4. Heroes on Monday!!!!!!!!!!!
5. My computer is some what back to normal. Finally! Not having full access to all my pictures and music was terrible!
6. My music theory course. Because I'm a nerd.
7. Finally having furniture in my room!
8. Getting Edy's Loaded Peanut Butter ice cream in about 5 minutes.

5 Things I'm Sad About:
1. The future lack of JonDoddness in the Stuart house. :(
2. The fact that my room isn't completely clean yet and there are still piles of junk everywhere.
3. 80 degree weather in the fall. I can't wear scarves yet!
4. LOST doesn't start til January.
5. I have to read Sir Gawan by next week and I don't even have it yet. (I just ordered it from the library so we're good now.)

Anyway. Hopefully I can find time to post a more meaningful blog in the near future.

With One Hand In a Pot of Gold...

2007-09-06T16:33:00.000-07:00

My pastor said something very interesting in Sunday School last week that's been on my mind a lot. He was discussing the very touchy subject of God's hatred toward sinners. This concept, I believe, is very biblical, but conveniently ignored by the modern church. The idea that is taught is that God hates sin, but loves all sinners. This is plain heresy. God hates sinners. And we don't want to accept this. God has never sent a sin to Hell, but he does send un-repentant sinners to Hell. But what we also have to accept is that we, as sinners, hate God. This is a really difficult thing to understand and believe.

Here are some verses expressing this concept:
"The Lord tests the righteous, but his soul hates the wicked and the one who loves violence."
--Psalm 11: 5
"Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life. whoever does not obey the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God remains on him."
--John 3:36
"If anyone worships the beast and its image and receives a mark on his forehead or on his hand, he also will drink the wine of God’s wrath, poured full strength into the cup of his anger, and he will be tormented with fire and sulfur in the presence of the holy angels and in the presence of the Lamb."
--Rev. 14:9-10
"They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Though they know God’s decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them."
--Rom. 1:29-32
"For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed, it cannot. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God."
--Rom. 8:7-8

But we can find peace in knowing that we are not of the flesh, we are of the Spirit. Paul continues in Rom. 8:9, "You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you." And this is just the set-up for my main topic. haha. Anyway, the actual comment made by Pastor Cadman that I want to focus on has to do with worship music. We were discussing this attribute of God and he commented that we have lost this in our worship music particularly. I had never thought about that before. When we think of worshiping God we think of his love, grace, faithfulness, patience, and goodness. We completely ignore his {righteous} anger, justice, and hatred toward sin and sinners. These attributes are just as important as his love and faithfulness. If God has no hatred for sinners and no need for justice, then what is the purpose of salvation? If God is nothing but love, then why do we need a savior? You clearly cannot have one without the other. God's love is pointless without his justice and vice-versa. So if God's wrath is necessary in the story of redemption then why do we leave it out {particularly in our music}? That's the main question I'm asking. After he made this comment, I sat back a minute and tried to think of a song I knew about God's wrath and I couldn't think of one. But what I could think of was the Psalms. The Psalms repeatedly praise God for his wrath towards sinners and even plead with God to bring justice to the wicked. Of course the book of Psalms is not the only book that describes God's wrath, but is a clear example of praising God for his wrath.
Examples:
" Arise, O LORD!
Save me, O my God!
For you strike all my enemies on the cheek;
you break the teeth of the wicked." -- Ps. 3:7

"Arise, O LORD, in your anger;
lift yourself up against the fury of my enemies;
awake for me; you have appointed a judgment.
Let the assembly of the peoples be gathered about you;
over it return on high.

The LORD judges the peoples;
judge me, O LORD, according to my righteousness
and according to the integrity that is in me.
Oh, let the evil of the wicked come to an end,
and may you establish the righteous—
you who test the minds and hearts,
O righteous God!
My shield is with God,
who saves the upright in heart.
God is a righteous judge,
and a God who feels indignation every day.

If a man does not repent, God will whet his sword;
he has bent and readied his bow;
he has prepared for him his deadly weapons,
making his arrows fiery shafts." -- Ps. 7:6-13

"The LORD tests the righteous,
but his soul hates the wicked and the one who loves violence.
Let him rain coals on the wicked;
fire and sulfur and a scorching wind shall be the portion of their cup." -- Ps. 11:5-6

"But to the wicked God says:
"What right have you to recite my statutes
or take my covenant on your lips?
For you hate discipline,
and you cast my words behind you.
If you see a thief, you are pleased with him,
and you keep company with adulterers.
You give your mouth free rein for evil,
and your tongue frames deceit.

You sit and speak against your brother;
you slander your own mother’s son.
These things you have done, and I have been silent;
you thought that I was one like yourself.
But now I rebuke you and lay the charge before you." -- Ps. 50:16-21

That's just four examples and there are plenty more. Our modern music is missing not only this, but also the blatant honesty that infests the psalms. We don't have any songs titled "Why Have You Forsaken Me?" or "The Faithful Have Vanished" or "He Will Tread Down Our Foes". Yet these are the topics of so many songs that are inspired by God! The next question is, what do we do about it? I'm not really sure. I think that for my church {Providence}, singing Psalms {all of them} should become a regular part of our service. Our church's key phrase is "Speaking the Truth in Love". I think that expressing these attributes of God and man is a way of speaking the truth in love. I want to figure out a way to incorporate this into youth group praise and worship and even my personal prayer&worship life. I'd love to hear your thoughts....

"Save, O LORD, for the godly one is gone;
for the faithful have vanished from among the children of man.
Everyone utters lies to his neighbor;
with flattering lips and a double heart they speak." -- Psalm 12:1-2

Light Starts In A Dark Place

2007-09-05T14:28:00.000-07:00

I just made an exceedingly exciting mix (for Drew)!! Yay! I haven't made a good mix in awhile. I'm pretty psyched about it. The theme of it is Darkness & Light. Here's the track list:
Darkness & Light
1. There Is A Light That Never Goes Out- Anberlin
2. Light Gives Heat- Jars of Clay
3. I Will Follow You Into the Dark- Death Cab for Cutie
4. Hold the Light- Caedmon's Call
5. Headlights on Dark Roads- Snow Patrol
6. The Lighthouse's Tale- Nickel Creek
7. Limelight- Rush
8. Crawling Towards the Sun- The Hush Sound
9. Bright Lights- Matchbox 20
10. The Sun and The Moon- Mae
11. What Light- Wilco
12. Through the Dark- KT Tunstall
13. Lightness- Death Cab for Cutie
14. Into the Sun- Lifehouse
15. Black Balloon- The Goo Goo Dolls
16. Daylight- Coldplay
17. You Are the Moon- The Hush Sound

woot. I'm happy with it.

I have an interesting topic to discuss...but no time now...so, coming soon: modern praise & worship music vs. the psalms...

As Surely As The Rising Sun ... You Will Be Set Free

2007-08-31T12:46:00.000-07:00

So I am currently in love with Derek Webb and I thought I'd share some exciting facts about his 4 solo albums {from Wikipedia}...

1. On his national tour for She Must and Shall Go Free, he played his concerts in the living rooms of fans. He made a live album from this tour called "The House Show".
2. Wikipedia compares I See Things Upside Down to Wilco. :)
3. Over 80,000 free copies of Mockingbird were downloaded from Sept. 1, 2006 to Dec. 8, 2006.
4. Before its release, The Ringing Bell was available online in a deluxe edition which included a 96 pg. graphic novel inspired by the album {how cool is that?}.

I also discovered 2 other exciting things he is involved with!

1. Square Peg Alliance--is a group of 9 singers/song writers who joined together to cross promote each other's music. Andrew Osenga is also a member. :)
2. Noise Trade--is a site that allows users to download music for free from independent artists in exchange for sending emails to friends telling them about the artist. Derek got involved with this project after the success of Mockingbird.

My favorite song right now is "Lover" from She Must and Shall Go Free.

"Like a man comes to an alter I came into this town
with the world upon my shoulders and promises passed down
and I went into the water and my father, he was pleased
I built it and I’ll tear it down so you will be set free

but I found thieves and salesmen living in my father’s house
I know how they got in here and I know how to get ‘em out
I’m turning this place over from floor to balcony
and then just like these doves and sheep you will be set free

I’ve always been a lover from before I drew a breath
some things I loved easy and some I loved to death
because love’s no politician, it listens carefully
of those who come I can’t lose one, so you will be set free

but go on and take my picture, go on and make me up
I’ll still be your defender, you’ll be my missing son
and I’ll send out an army just to bring you back to me
because regardless of your brother’s lies you will be set free

I am my beloveds and my beloved’s mine
so you bring all your history and I’ll bring the bread and wine
and we’ll have us a party where all the drinks are on me
then as surely as the rising sun you will be set free"

I just love how he ties so many stories about Christ into this one song. One of my favorite lines is "I'll send out an army just to bring you back to me". How amazing is that? It gives me shivers. I also love the reoccurring theme of being set free. It's crazy how people have the idea that Christianity is going to tie them down and take away their freedom and it's the exact opposite. We are completely weighed down by our sin and it is only through Jesus that we can be set free.

"...then as surely as the rising sun you will be set free..."

This Is Your Life... Are You Who You Want To Be?

2007-08-29T13:10:00.000-07:00

Now that I'm in a slightly better state-of-mind, it's time for my end of the summer analysis. So here is an overview of what I learned this summer...

1. Even though I am changing, everything else isn't necessarily changing with me. -- School was so bizarre today. I felt like there was this wall between me and almost everyone else there. This is probably due to the fact that I haven't seen anyone from school this summer except RGar. I've changed a lot over the past year or so, but I've also changed a lot this summer. I didn't know what to say to anyone or what to talk about. No one there knows about or shares my new found interest in Sweden, Miyazaki, The Hush Sound, understanding people, missions, Firefly, understanding cultures, traveling, good cheese, blogging, photography, Wilco, scrabble, exploring Pittsburgh, nerdyness in general, sharing ideas, movies, indie music, etc.... I don't really know how to mesh the two sides. I think adjusting over the next few weeks is going to be a challenge, one that I'm not entirely sure I'm ready to handle. Despite my worries about all of this, I can still rest in the promise that, no matter how separate I feel from everyone else, nothing can separate me from Christ's love (Rom. 8:38-39).

2. I need to take more chances and talk to people! -- This is something I've been thinking about over the past week. I realized that I knew absolutely nothing about Mrs. Balderose or Eric's family in general and we traveled across the world together! She sounds like such an amazing woman and I really regret passing up the many opportunities I had to talk to her. There are so many people out there ready and willing to share stories and experiences that I know I would love to hear, I just don't open up the opportunity. Opening up to people I don't know is something that doesn't come naturally to me, but I'm determined to try! It's funny because I love listening/talking to people and sharing ideas but I have such trouble starting simple conversation with other people! Plus, talking to people is one of the most fundamental ways to share Christ's love with them! The most exciting part is that you don't know what will happen. Who knows what you might be able to learn or share?

3. I have a passion for missions. -- This statement still seems so crazy to me. I never considered myself someone that was interested in missions. I always felt like it wasn't my gift and that I would be content with a much more passive role in the Kingdom. I don't feel that way anymore. I realized (thanks to the counsel of many friends) that all of the things I'm passionate about are missions related {adoption, youth ministry/missions, etc.}. The Lord worked in my life over the past year and took away so many of my fears about traveling, being away from family, and inadequacy to serve. I know that he did this to prepare me for the trip to Sweden. I was able to serve uninhibited and unafraid. It was so eye-opening to me. I realized that I can do it and I want to do it. I still don't feel called to serve as a full time missionary, but a strong desire to serve in short term missions remains. I'd love to intern somewhere for a few months or even go somewhere for a year or two after I'm married. Going to Sweden also sparked my interest in traveling. There are so many interesting places I want to go. And think of how many people I could meet that share a common bond with me in Christ! This is the perfect example of how much greater God's plans are than ours! "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."-Jer. 29:11

4. The importance of community. -- I think pretty much everyone on Team Sweden learned about this during our trip. The bond within the church at Sweden was incredible. The consistency and accountability within the church was so strong. They were such a witness and encouragement to me and everyone else. Now more than ever I'm longing for community. My whole "community" of friends is physically gone and I think that's why I'm having such a hard time. I established myself within a strong community of friends during the summer that is no longer there. Of course I still have my friends but not in the same way that I did. But this is making me so incredibly thankful for the time I have with them! It's like the song " Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you got till it's gone".

5. I really truly am a nerd. -- This doesn't really need an explanation.

6. Being spontaneous and crazy can be wonderful. -- Running in the rain, trying exotic foods, randomly going to Eat n Park at midnight, tubing, dying my hair red, watching movies late at night, sailing with R as the captain, ... all thing I did this summer that I probably would not have done a year or two ago.

7. I need to memorize more scripture. -- The kids in Sweden had huge passages memorized...in English, their 2nd language! I barely have any memorized in my 1st language, let along my 2nd!

8. Details don't always matter. -- Basically I learned that I wasted a lot of time trying to perfectly pack and prepare for Sweden. RGar was perfectly fine without her luggage.

That's all I can think of for the moment. But I'll talk about the title. Those words have repeated in my head sooo many times over the past year. I think it's a really simply stated, but very powerful reminder. You only have one life and this is it. Be the person you want to be. Be the person God is calling you to be.

"But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him. For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. To the one we are the smell of death; to the other, the fragrance of life. And who is equal to such a task? Unlike so many, we do not peddle the word of God for profit. On the contrary, in Christ we speak before God with sincerity, like men sent from God." -- 2 Cor. 2:14-17

It's Been One Week...

2007-08-28T19:54:00.000-07:00

...One really terrible week. Which is very sad because this has been one of the best summers EVER. I've had so much fun. I guess I needed a bad week to keep me in check. The main events of the week: everyone left or is leaving, RGar's car, Eric's mom, my illness, etc. Tomorrow {day} will probably be really hard because of the funeral. *sigh* RGar and I decided that tomorrow night is going to be the start of a new wonderful week.

I'm kind of excited for school. I'm just ready to do something. Hopefully I'll be really busy this year. I'm excited for the fun stuff too (esp. with RGar! :)). I just finished my summer reading/journals. I absolutely loved King Lear. It was so amazing. I think it was my favorite of the summer followed by Mayor of Casterbridge, then Lord of the Flies.

I'm been trying to think of some goals for this year. Here's what I have so far:
1. To read as much as possible.
2. To continue watching movies.
3. I want to start writing letters. I think letters are wonderful. They're so personal and something you can keep forever. I'm going to try and write to a few people at least once a month. I'm just going to write about things I'm thinking about. Kind of like blogging. Or notes of encouragement. I'm not sure what it'll look like exactly. We shall find out. Anyone else want to join me in this endeavor?
4. Get a job.
5. Get my license.
6. To continue keeping a journal {not just a blog}.
7. I desperately need to spend more time in prayer. It's something that I toss so easily to the side. I'm very consistent with my Bible reading, but I fall so short on the prayer side. I need to start praying on the bus and in the shower like I did last year. Accountability needed!

Well that's all I can think of right now and 7 is completion anyway. I'll probably add more later. I really should go to bed. I have to get up for school tomorrow. =/ I have so much more to say but I'm too tired to formulate it into coherent thoughts. So I'm off for now... and I'll finish my summer analysis/thoughts/memories etc. later. Night!

And We Will Sing Out As We Go On, "Our God is Faithful."

2007-08-21T21:42:00.000-07:00

It amazes me how I always think that I'm so strong and that I can easily handle anything. I can't. I'm going through a lot of difficult changes right now. Probably more changes than I have ever had to deal with in my life. What amazes me even more is how faithful our God is. I was having a rough night so I logged in to check my email before going to bed and there was an email from Mr. Moser about choir starting up this fall. He announced that we would be performing "Messiah" for the winter cantata. Words can't even express how excited I am about this. Singing in a performance of Messiah is on my goal list. It's one of my absolute favorite works. Anyway, I was starting to break down and I found myself crying out "Lord, thank you for Messiah!!" I was so thankful to have something exciting and good happen today. And then it hit me. Thank you Lord for my Messiah. My Messiah sent just what I needed exactly when I needed it. He gave me the simple reminder I needed that He will never leave me or forsake me, no matter how absolutely alone I feel. He alone is my refuge and strength.

God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling.
Selah

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy habitation of the Most High.
God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
The nations rage, the kingdoms totter;
he utters his voice, the earth melts.
The LORD of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah

Come, behold the works of the LORD,
how he has brought desolations on the earth.
He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the chariots with fire.
"Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!"
The LORD of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
~Psalm 46

Deep Enough to Dream

2007-08-16T07:39:00.000-07:00

34. Breach (4)

I decided last night to start blogging my dreams. I've had some totally bizarre ones and they're pretty entertaining. I'll start with the one I had last night. It was actually pretty cool. Team Sweden (they've been making it into all my dreams recently) was back in Sweden! We were in a much bigger city though. We arrived and met hundreds of kids that would be attending our many VBSs. It was pretty awesome.
Now my dream from the other night is a completely different story. haha. Team Sweden is together once again. I'm not sure where we were, but we were sleeping. In the middle of the night an 800 lb. great white shark started to attack me....in my bed....on dry ground. Soooo Jon being the wonderful team leader that he is starts to wrestle it off me. He manages to get it off of me and then goes all warrior and slices the head off. There's one problem. The head is still alive. So he gets rid of the body and hands me this still alive shark head. So I wrap the nasty bloody part in a towel (while holding its mouth shut) and put it in one of those portable baby cribs. Then I wake up. Considering my {very rational} fear of sharks, I had some difficulties falling back asleep that night.
I need to figure out what I'm eating that causes me to have such bizarre dreams. Maybe it's just me. hmmmm.

Miles From Where You Are

2007-08-11T09:54:00.000-07:00

I'm leaving for Kent Island, Maryland in about 20 minutes. I'm very excited!! We're going to visit our friends there. I'll be back next Wednesday (in time for youth group).

Movie Update:
29. NausicaA of the Valley of the Wind (4 1/2)
30. Manchurian Candidate (5)
31. Matchstick Men (4)
32. The Sixth Sense (3 1/2)
33. Hairspray (4 1/2)

I also started watching Firefly which is amazing.

A Movie Script Ending

2007-08-01T08:19:00.000-07:00

Since one of my summer goals was to watch as many movies as possible, I've decided to post my progress (in no particular order). (rating out of 5 stars)

1. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (3)
2. Minority Report (4)
3. Bourne Identity (4)
4. Bourne Supremacy (4)
5. An Ideal Husband (3 1/2)
6. Vertigo (4)
7. Mickey Blue Eyes (3 1/2)
8. Pan's Labyrinth (5)
9. Ratatouille (5)
10. Notting Hill (3 1/2)
11. Anger Management (1)
12. Anne of Green Gables (4)
13. Howl's Moving Castle (4)
14. Monty Python and the Holy Grail (3 1/2)
15. In America (4)
16. Unbreakable (4)
17. About a Boy (3 1/2)
18. Chocolat (3)
19. Raising Arizona (5)
20. Princess Mononoke (4)
21. Ocean's 11 (4)
22. Ocean's 12 (3)
23. Fried Green Tomatoes (3 1/2)
24. I am Sam (4)
25. Spirited Away (4)
26. Blades of Glory (2)
27. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (2)
28. Rumor Has It (2)

Pretty exciting. I'm watching #29 tonight. woot.

Say anything, but say what you mean...

2007-07-31T18:30:00.000-07:00

I'm very excited about this! I can't promise I'll have anything worthwhile to say, but I'll try. Blogging seems very exciting and nerdy and I'm allll about exciting nerdy things. :) I'm going to try to use song lyrics and stuff for all of my titles etc. That will make me happy. Well I'm going to attempt to try to figure out the details of this thing...
Coming soon: Thoughts on Sweden accompanied by pictures and videos.